I can remember both my grandparents on both sides. Judy also. She will tell you about having a cup of tea with her Grandfather and watching him sweeten it with a sugar cube between the teeth.
RUNNING A JEWISH HOUSE
HOLD IN THE OLD DAYS
I actually remember my Bubbie with the sugar cube between her teeth, and, of
course, eating schmaltz on bread. I can only send this to very few people, as
most would not have a clue of what they have missed out.
I'm taking it upon myself to help out all
you frantic housewives out there with wonderful menus that will lead your
children to a healthy, happy, and loving family unit, as I remember some of
from in my childhood.
First, buy a housecoat (schmata) and wear it all day, every day. Then go out
and buy a live chicken, carry it wrapped in a newspaper to the shoochet
(slaughterer) who will ritually slaughter it before your very eyes. When you
get it home, flick (pluck) your chicken and make sure you don't leave in any
pinches (feather ends).
Next, go out and buy a four-foot-long carp
with huge whiskers. Fill your bathtub with water and let the fish swim in it
for several days.
In the meantime, roll up your Berber
broadloom, and remove it from the living room, polish the hardwood floors,
cover them in newspaper, cover your couch in clear plastic, or floral slip
covers, and don't let anyone into your living room again ..unless they are "company."
Now you're a real balabusta which is a
term of respect used for an efficient Jewish housewife and the essence of your
universe is in the kitchen. So get out your wooden matches, light the pilot
light, get out the volgar holtz (wooden bowl), hock thetzibbeles (chop the
onions) and knubble (garlic), and we're Jewish again.
Before we start, however, there are some
variations in ingredients because of the various types of Jewish taste (Litvack
and Gallitziana).
Just as we Jews have six seasons of the year
(winter, spring, summer, fall, slack, and busy), we all focus on a main
ingredient which, unfortunately and undeservedly, has disappeared from our
diet. I'm talking, of course, about SCHMALTZ (chicken fat)! Schmaltz has for
centuries been the prime ingredient in almost every Jewish dish.
Let's start, of course, with the forshpeiz
(appetizer).. Gehockteh layber (chopped liver) with schmaltz and tzibbeles
(onion) is always good, but how about something more exotic for your dear ones,
like boiled whitefish in yoyech (gel). Or gefilteh miltz (stuffed spleen), in
which the veins are removed, thank God, and it's fried in -- you guessed it--
schmaltz, bread crumbs, eggs, onions, salt and pepper.
Love it!
Am I making your mouth water yet? Then
there are greebenes, which are pieces of chicken skin, deep-fried in
schmaltz,onions and salt until crispy brown -- often referred to as Jewish
bacon (this makes a great appetizer for the next cardiology convention).
Another favorite, and I'm sure your
children will love it, is pe'tcha (jellied calves feet). Simply chop up some
cows' feet with your hockmesser (chopper), add some meat, onions, lots of
garlic, schmaltz (yes, again), salt and pepper,cook for five hours, and let it
sit overnight.
There's also a nice chicken fricassee
(stew) using the heart, gorgl (neck), pipick (the navel, a great delicacy,
given to the favorite child, usually me), a fleegl (wing) or two, some ayelech
(little premature eggs) and other various chicken innards, in a broth of
schmaltz, water, paprika, etc. We also have knishes (filled dough) and the
eternal question: "Will I have liver, beef, potatoes, or all three?
Other time-tested favorites are kishkeh,
and its poor cousin, helzel (chicken or goose neck). Kishkeh is the gut of the
cow, bought by the foot at the kosher butcher. It's turned inside out, scalded
and scraped. One end is sewn up and a mixture of flour, schmaltz (you didn't
think we'd leave that out), onions, eggs, salt, pepper, etc., is spooned into
the open end and squished down until it is full. Then that end is sewn, and the
whole thing is boiled. Yummy!
My personal all-time favorite pastime is
watching my Bubbie (Grandma) munch on boiled chicken feet. Try that on the
kinderlach. (children).
Well, we've finally finished the forshpeiz.
Don't tell me you're full because there's
plenty to come.
For our next course, we always had chicken
soup with pieces of yellow-white, rubbery, chicken skin floating in a greasy
sea of lokshen (noodles), farfel (broken bits of matzah), arbiss (chickpeas),
lima beans, pietrishkeh, onions, mondlech (soup nuts), knaydlach (dumplings),
kasha, (groats) kliskelech and marech (marrow bones). [she forgot to mention
unborn egg yolks - or what, in my family, we called 'eggies'..they were
delicious! M.M.]
The main course, as I recall, was either
boiled chicken, flanken, kackletten (hockfleish--chopped meat), and sometimes
rib steaks which were served either well done, burned, or cremated.
Occasionally, we had barbecued liver done to a burned and hardened perfection
in our own coal furnace.
Since we couldn't have milk or any dairy
products (milchiks) with our meat meals (flayshiks), beverages consisted of
cheap pop (Kik, Dominion Dry, seltzer in the spritz bottles), or a glezel tay
(glass of hot tea) served in a yohrtzeit (memorial) glass, and sucked through a
sugar cube held between the incisors.
Desserts were probably the only things not
made with schmaltz, so we never had any.....unless it was flummen (cooked
prunes). Mama never learned how to make schmaltz Jell-O.
Well, now you know the secret of how I've
grown up to be so tall, sinewy, slim and trim, energetic, extremely clever and
modest, and if you want your children to grow up to be like me, you're gontze
meshuggah (completely nuts)!
Oh yes, don't forget the loud greps
(belch) - the louder the better -- at the end of the meal as you unbutton or
unzip your pants. It's often the best part of the repast
.
Zei mir gezunt (be well)...and when in
doubt, order out Chinese!!
